# The Coaching Habit  ## Metadata - Author: [[Michael Bungay Stanier]] - Full Title: The Coaching Habit - Category: #books ## Highlights - a little more asking people questions and a little less telling people what to do. ([Location 199](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=199)) - Tags: [[pink]] - To build an effective new habit, you need five essential components: a reason, a trigger, a micro-habit, effective practice, and a plan. ([Location 214](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=214)) - Tags: [[pink]] - So think less about what your habit can do for you, and more about how this new habit will help a person or people you care about. ([Location 220](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=220)) - Tags: [[pink]] - if you don’t know what triggers the old behaviour, you’ll never change it because you’ll already be doing it before you know it. ([Location 223](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=223)) - Tags: [[pink]] - Resilient systems build in fail-safes so that when something breaks down, the next step to recover is obvious. Make your habit a resilient system. ([Location 243](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=243)) - Tags: [[pink]] - five types of triggers: location, time, emotional state, other people, and the immediately preceding action. ([Location 255](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=255)) - Tags: [[pink]] - An almost fail-safe way to start a chat that quickly turns into a real conversation is the question, “What’s on your mind?” ([Location 347](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=347)) - Tags: [[pink]] - fixing a specific problem or challenge. It’s putting out the fire or building up the fire or banking the fire. It’s everyday stuff, and it’s important and necessary. Coaching for development is about turning the focus from the issue to the person dealing with the issue, the person who’s managing the fire. ([Location 358](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=358)) - Tags: [[pink]] - When you’re talking about people, though, you’re not really talking about them. You’re talking about a relationship and, specifically, about what your role is in this relationship that might currently be less than ideal. ([Location 377](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=377)) - Tags: [[pink]] - we are what we give our attention to. ([Location 418](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=418)) - Tags: [[pink]] - A 2010 study started by making the point that any time we have something on our mind, it’s literally using up energy—even though it accounts for only about 2 percent of your body weight, your brain uses about 20 percent of your energy. ([Location 420](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=420)) - Tags: [[pink]] - When you take the premium that your organization places on answers and certainty, then blend in the increased sense of overwhelm and uncertainty and anxiety that many of us feel as our jobs and lives become more complex, and then realize that our brains are wired to have a strong preference for clarity and certainty, it’s no wonder that we like to give advice. Even if it’s the wrong advice—and it often is—giving it feels more comfortable than the ambiguity of asking a question. ([Location 484](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=484)) - Tags: [[pink]] - Note: This is why we like to give advice - Stop offering up advice with a question mark attached. That doesn’t count as asking a question. ([Location 588](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=588)) - Tags: [[pink]] - “If you had to pick one of these to focus on, which one here would be the real challenge for you?” ([Location 671](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=671)) - Tags: [[pink]] - If you’re not trying to fix things, you don’t need the backstory. ([Location 777](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=777)) - Tags: [[pink]] - The illusion that both parties to the conversation know what the other party wants is pervasive, and it sets the stage for plenty of frustrating exchanges. ([Location 843](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=843)) - Tags: [[pink]] - Five times a second, at an unconscious level, your brain is scanning the environment around you and asking itself: Is it safe here? Or is it dangerous? ([Location 894](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=894)) - Tags: [[pink]] - A Yes is nothing without the No that gives it boundaries and form. ([Location 1212](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=1212)) - Tags: [[pink]] - This isn’t about judging people; it’s about encouraging them ([Location 1343](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=1343)) - Tags: [[pink]] - WE LIVE IN THE WORLD OUR QUESTIONS CREATE. David Cooperrider ([Location 1412](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=1412)) - Tags: [[pink]] - Questions work just as well typed as they do spoken. ([Location 1486](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B01BUIBBZI&location=1486)) - Tags: [[pink]]